1. When you get complimented on the fact that you go bare-faced.
2. You don’t know what most makeup products are for.
3. Getting told “You’d look so much better with makeup”.
Is it your face? Is it your contour? Is it your fake lash?
4. Not understanding why you need lip liner, brow liner and eye liner.
Why can’t it be all in one?
5. The few times you tried to do your makeup, it was a disaster.
6. On the rare occasions when you put on the little makeup you know how to apply, you forget that you have eye liner on and wipe your eyes.
7. Or you make the beginner’s mistake of forgetting you still have it on and go to sleep.
8. When the only eye makeup you can do is the smokey eye.
It started off being winged eye liner plus mascara, but you lack the skills of keeping your hand straight. Somehow, everywhere smudge smudge.
9. But most of the time, the stress of taking off the makeup is not a problem for you, because you don’t wear any.
10. You don’t have to wear makeup in the heat and literally turn into a clay pot.
You didn’t come to this world to suffer.
11. When your skin looks so good that friends ask if you have makeup on when you don’t.
12. No makeup stains on your clothes or your white shirt.
You can dab without fear.
13. When you tell people you’re not wearing any makeup and they are like “Abeg stop lying! I can see your highlighter from here!”
Jesus! Why so much hatred?!
14. When your eyebrows are full without you using brow pencil or powder.
15. When your own mother starts telling you to put some lipstick or concealer on.
Mum: “Time to marry. You can’t find a husband with those bags under your eyes.”
16. When you only wear makeup on special occasions.
End of lent/Ramaddan, Christmas, your birthday and maybe the coming of Jesus.
17. When you go to a wedding and everyone’s professional makeup is on fleek and they look at you like you are Bose the housegirl.
18. Contouring and highlighting sounds like something you do in photography.
19. You save so much money.
20. And so much time.
