Every Nigerian knows that there are a couple things you should never be caught dead doing. If you are, the judging eyes and comments will be deep. We made a list of some of these things.

1. Never bargain for too long when you don’t have intentions of buying

The curses you will get from the sellers…

2. When a sex scene comes up always look away or go to your room

…the stare of death you will receive.

3. When you go to a wedding don’t ever dress better than the bride

…are you even okay? You want to steal the groom bah?

4. Never try to outsmart or skip paying a conductor his fare

Except you want a few missing teeth, a shifted jaw or broken collarbone

5. Never try to jump a queue of frustrated customers at the ATM

So all of us that are here are mad abi?

6. Never go to a suya joint and make it obvious you just want to taste

Have you ever felt how sharp those knives are?

7. Sunday afternoon lunch must be rice

Go and argue with our forefathers that started it.

8. You really can’t turn on the generator if it is not “needed”

Why is 7pm the gen time in a Nigerian Household? Is it in our constitution?

— Chibuzor Iwobi (@JeSuisChiby) February 19, 2016

“Needed” means pitch black darkness.

9. Never use your left hand even if you are left handed

Who are you trying to disrespect with left hand gestures?

10. Never put your wallet in your back pocket in a market

Except you are trying to give it as a gift to pick pockets.

11. Never ask your why your mum is shouting even if she is using a loud microphone

You are looking for an earful and the story of how she carried you for nine months and only shouted in the labor room.

12. 9/10 PM is when your father watches the daily news

Postpone every other TV plans or go buy your own TV.

13. When there are visitors with your parents never sit in the living room

Can you see your mates here?

14. Always look left and right then proceed to whisper when you are gossiping

The walls have ears too oh.

15. You can only be a doctor, engineer or lawyer

What is a theatre arts? With whose money?

16. Always hold your change when getting on a danfo

You don’t want to incur the wrath of the conductor. Or just lose your whole N900 remaining.

17. When you are going into a suspect environment always carry “something for the boys”

Except you don’t want to come out of the area as you entered.