You need a bit of street credibility to survive this Nigeria. And part of that street credibility includes being able to finesse your ways into parties you’re uninvited to. Who knows, you might gatecrash Temi Otedola’s wedding, catch Daddy Otedola’s eye and become Temi Otedola’s step mother. This is Nigeria, anything can happen.

1. Own an outfit made from white lace.

This is necessary. When you step up the event venue in your white lace, your make-up on fleek, your skin popping, they will be too mesmerized to ask you for your your IV.

2. If they ask you for your IV, pull a Funke Akindele on them.

You see that face? Interpret it to mean anything: “Pride”, “Do I look like I’m uninvited?”, “Does this one even know who I am?”, “Excuse me?” — interpret it to your taste. Just make sure they don’t slap your face sha. The goal is to allow you in, not bash you. Besides, if your white lace is classy enough, they will overlook it.

3. Sit in a reasonable place.

This is the drill: don’t sit where food and souvenir will pass you. Also, don’t sit where someone will recognise you and ask where your IV is. Most times, these owambe in halls are the wahala. Those open air owambes are usually free for all.

4. Dance moderately.

Basically, no go dey do pass yourself.

5. Remember to collect souvenir, plis dear.

You need proof to show your unborn children that you, their parent, was a die-hard mogbomoya (I heard, I branch) in your prime. Who knows, they might be inspired to follow your example. You have sown good seeds, haven’t you?