Every so often, it seems as if the Nigerian government gets a little bored, lets out a loud fart and plots the most dramatic way to shake things up for Nigerians.

One time it was the god-awful decision to change UNILAG to MAULAG. Another time, the president shut down a whole city for a day just so he could commission a bus-station (that doesn’t even work btw).

But in 2012, they overstepped and messed with something Nigerians don’t play with — their fuel. And for that reason, #OccupyNigeria became necessary.

Now if you’re Nigerian, you already know fuel is pretty much a part of the family. Who’s going to make sure you don’t miss that Man U match when NEPA take light when it starts raining (and they always take light when it starts raining, it’s the law)? Who’s going to make sure the fan calms your nerves when the transformer blows and nobody is ready for the fix-up bill? Fuel, that’s who.

Here’s what happened — Nigeria produces oil, but ridiculously can’t refine it. So we export crude oil and have refined oil imported. This usually comes at a hefty price and includes crazy importer fees. The government subsidises these costs, so it won’t be like Nigerians aren’t even enjoying this oil that the Lord saw to bless us with.

However, at the start of 2012, the Nigerian government, led by President Goodluck Jonathan, realised the costs were a little too high for the government to shoulder, so it announced the removal of the fuel subsidy on New Year’s Day. Where previously, fuel prices went for ₦65/l, the new price of ₦141/l was imposed.

This led Nigerians to vex like you’ve never seen them before. It was decided that for there to be a switch-up, we had to #OccupyNigeria.

From organising street protests, human barricades, petrol station shut-downs and a social media shitstorm of epic proportions, Nigerians everywhere- locally and in the diaspora, showed their power and had the Nigerian government shitting bricks.

The #OccupyNigeria protests lasted a week and 5 days, between January 2nd-14th, 2012, eventually succeeding in pressuring the government to reduce prices from the earlier ₦141 per litre to ₦97 per litre.

It’s been a wild 7 years since the #OccupyNigeria protests. We thought it’d be nice to play catch-up with some of its most active participants and see how they’ve been doing since then:

Mohammadu Buhari

Oh you didn’t know your President was down with the man? Back in 2012, not only was Buhari against the subsidy removal, he took it a step further and argued there was no subsidy in place to begin with.

We stan a leader who can pull nothing out of something, because back in 2016, this same subsidy that “didn’t exist” — his government removed it.

Tolu Ogunlesi

If you had Googled “anti-subsidy removal voltron number 1 of Nigeria’s Twitterverse” back in 2012, Ogunlesi’s face would probably have popped up, or it should have anyway.

But would you look at God, 7-years down the line and not only is our guy working for the government as an aide, his heart has softened and he now believes subsidy removal isn’t all bad after all. Ain’t God good?

Dino Melaye

Say what you want about his other flaws and you’d probably be right, but back in 2012, Melaye was staunchly against the removal of the subsidy. He wasn’t just against it, he was fully ready to lead the charge in protest if it wasn’t removed. These days, our guy isn’t doing so well though. He’s currently in hospital for stunting a little too hard for the gram, and giving himself a high blood pressure that so conveniently keeps him away from POLICE QUESTIONING?

#Ddonthurtyourself.

Fela Durotoye

Way back in 2012, Durotoye was looking to fight for the rights of the common man. He was actually one of the frontline crusaders against the removal of the fuel subsidy. We’re not sure if we have the protest to thank, but these days, he is fully about carrying the welfare of Nigerians on his head. So much so, it’s the crux of his presidential campaign.

Banky W

You know what, maybe there was actually something in the air back in 2012. Banky W, lending his sweet, sweet, voice to the cry against the subsidy removal- was also front and center at the #OccupyNigeria protests.

These days, he’s taking his responsiblity to the masses a step further and is running for the House of Representatives in Lagos.

Ruggedman

Now I’m pretty convinced someone sprayed something in the air during the protests. Ruggedman lived up to his name and dragged the government for filth during the #OccupyNigeria protests, our guy just wasn’t having it, and for that, we’re pretty grateful.

A couple of years down the line and he’s just as involved with the people’s welfare. He was very vocal against the SARS brutality in 2018 and continues to lend his voice where needed.

We don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everything is now cost. A bag of rice has entered 10k, the good Gala betrayed us and now goes for ₦100, even shayo makers have doubled their hustle, you probably can’t find good Henny for less than ₦12,000 these days.

Now, while prices were competing for how high they could go, Nigerian salaries stared and stayed put like that planking challenge from ’09. Boys were really not smiling. So when we needed them the most, the NLC decided, enough is actually enough.

While this definitely isn’t the lasting solution the Nigerian economy needs- the NLC decided that an increase in the minimum wage was just what the doctor ordered for Nigerian pockets, struggling to keep up with rising prices. They decided ₦50 0000 would be ideal, with one candidate even promising ₦100,000 if he’s elected. Nigerians were just there looking like:

To set things in motion, a National Minimum Wage Committee was set up in November 2017, in the belief that by August/September 2018, Nigerians would be rolling in well… some extra thousands of minimum wage naira. Chris Ngige- the Minister of Labour and Productivity even promised (and failed, big surprise!!!) that by September, everything would be set.

But trust your guys, once September started drawing close, their mouths did a whole 360. Ngige pretty much told the NLC in September: “You know what, let’s adjourn this wage-committee INDEFINITELY, while the government figures some shit out”. Unluckily for the government, the NLC had time for their madness.

You know what happened next, the NLC declared an indefinite warning strike on the 27th of September, then called it off on the 30th of September, when the government promised to re-visit the minimum wage issue. They didn’t, of course. So we had that weird almost-strike thing in November- where the NLC announced a strike for November 6th, then called it off right when everybody had agreed to not iron their clothes for work the next day (apparently a wage had finally been agreed to). Which brings me to one of my biggest issues with this NLC.

You people can’t be promising and failing like this. You can’t threaten me with the good time of an indefinite strike, then call it off after only 3 days. Can’t you remember 2003? 5 days, still chilling. Those were strikes. This toss P striking is not done. It’s not done.

Anyway, after they called off the last strike, we were led to believe a ₦30 000 minimum wage had been agreed on. Some people even said Buhari had agreed to it. Ushers were ready to collect that new-new tithe, boys had already separated December rocks money in their heads; we were just chilling for alert to enter, but then there was… nothing.

But really, since the strike was called off, not a lot has been said about the minimum wage. I mean, a little talk here and some gist there, but it doesn’t look like anything really concrete is in the works.

Now this is where my frustration sets in. The government is clearly banking on the ‘we move still’ attitude of Nigerians to play hooky with this minimum wage. This belief is why workers in Zamfara state have been managing a minimum wage for years that is one-third of the measly ₦18,000 workers in other states currently collect. So while we’ve been complaining of that amount being inadequate, workers in Zamfara have had to manage ₦6,000 MONTHLY, to cater to the needs of their families.

And while the excuse for failing to implement the minimum wage, is there being no money, there are myriad places in this government that excesses can be cut. Take the National Assembly for instance, where lawmakers make about 14 million monthly. That one lawmaker’s salary, can cover the ₦30 000 monthly wage of about 466 Nigeria workers with change. So miss me with that no money talk, when clearly there’s a gold mine not being tapped into, right before our eyes.

Well, we’ll be looking out to see how this minimum wage saga plays out in the government. Until then, who can suggest anything else the NLC can do to get the government’s attention? It’s looking like this strike no too tap for the government again.

Keeping with the tradition of doing the most to ruin Christmas, don’t expect Nigeria to give you light to watch Home Alone for the 15th year running. This is because the money that was meant to literally power us through till 2019, well, it has finished.

So the gist is, the government back in 2017 granted the sum of 701.9 billion naira to the Nigerian power generating companies (GENCOs) so we would allow our generators rest a little bit and have NEPA take over once in a while. This money was meant to coast us up until 2019, so we wouldn’t have to worry about light for a little bit.

Side-note, do you know how mad it is that 701.9 billion naira was spent on electricity and we still don’t have light 24/7?

Anyway, the money that was meant to last us up until 2019, has started showing red light. The Executive Secretary of the Association of Power Generation Companies (APGC) Dr. Joy Ogaji, speaking at the Power Safety Summit, warned that the money was fast depleting and would probably not last past December 2018, not to speak of 2019.

It has gotten so bad, they’ve actually started cutting NEPA’s light. Well, not exactly- but companies responsible for generating power like Alaoji NIPP have been cut off from gas supply by Shell. Others like First Independent Power Limited have gotten letters, warning that they would be cut off shortly.

If the situation isn’t bad enough, the one authority that can actually help- The Nigerian Government, has refused to pick up their phones. Dr Ogaji has complained that representatives to the Federal Government have been unreachable to communicate how very dire the situation is.

See, I almost understand where the government is coming from. If someone was trying to reach me to borrow another couple billions of Naira, I’ll block them on WhatsApp too. But, this is the fate of Nigerians on the line here, please pick up your phones!!!

So guys, as it’s looking now, light to watch Home Alone or find out what happens at the end Iron Rose isn’t looking very likely. Charge all your power banks, get that Better Pass Your Neighbour and have a very Merry Christmas guys.

I don’t understand this thing. We don’t have water, there’s no light, but somehow I can’t bring myself to cancel this country completely.

Is this not a problem like this?

For instance, is this your reaction if you’re complaining about this country to your American friend in Chicago, and they start agreeing and adding extra to it

Hello, your work is to listen. Nobody sent you this one.

Or when you go to cool your nerves in the abroad and in the midst of all the oyibos, you hear an Igbo voice on the bus saying “ndi conainers rutere?”

Lie that you won’t run to sit with them.

No matter how annoying Nigeria is, you will always see Nigerian parents going the hardest in lace and gele for their children’s graduations abroad.

Just be giving them Nigerian ancestral swag left and right.

Look at these guys, they can be complaining about Nigeria all morning, but just mistakenly whisper: “Ghana jollof is better than Nigeria jollof” in their middle. Try it first.

Let us know what happens okay.

See, Rwandans can be telling us how they have light and their economy is going through a boom and we’ll still be asking if they have Wizkid.

But really, do they have Wizkid?

Have you seen where they’re using corruption to brag? Tell a Nigerian how your country government is stealing money and they’ll tell you to send them to Nigeria to learn work.

Only in Nigeria!

But forget, Nigerians love themselves more than they love Nigeria. We can have no light at home, no fuel in the gen, be owing 5 months gbese and still find energy for TGIF.

Nigerians are the definition of I can’t kill myself.

All this one is story though. Again, if you see Canada visa, please just start running with it.

Forget solidarity in this matter!

Meanwhile, let’s give you more reasons to love Nigeria. Subscribe to our #GameofVotes newsletter today. We’ll be telling you all the most important things that happen in politics up until the 2019 general elections.

Follow the link here so it won’t turn to fight.

When I hear people complaining about this country, I always laugh. If only they knew what this country was really trying to achieve

Nobody looks at the bigger picture.

Take light for instance. You think NEPA doesn’t know that if they don’t take light, you won’t stop watching TV and finally start the work you’re meant to

They just want to make sure you get your work done.

You’ll say our hospitals are bad and doctors are always on strike. Have you ever thought the government just wants you to work hard so you can fly out for treatment like our president?

No? Well, lucky we’re here to tell you

Okay yes, government didn’t supply water to your house but – would you have known how to use one bucket of water to cook, bathe and wash 5 shirts?

See, Nigeria just wants you to know how to manage resources, that’s the truth.

You’re complaining that Police cut the phone when you called to say robbers were attacking. Do you know why they had to do that?

They just want you to finally join that gym you’ve been saying. So you can protect yourself and stop disturbing, abi calling them.

And some might say the price of food is too high. I laugh, Nigeria is honestly too caring!

Of course prices are high, the Nigerian government just wants you to finally start that diet you’ve been talking about for years. Say thank you Nigeria!

Same with fuel scarcity. The ONLY reason we have fuel scarcity is because the government wants you to lose a little weight by walking everywhere

Quote me anywhere, that’s why we have it every year.

Traffic this, traffic that. But have you thought maybe Nigeria just wants you to learn time consciousness?

Oh yes. If traffic from mainland to island will start at 5am, leave your house at 2am, surprise the traffic.

Some might say they’re always at home because there’s no money to go anywhere. Don’t you know Nigeria just wants you to enjoy your rent?

But you spent a lot of money on the house, government just wants you to enjoy it.

Before somebody beats us on the road, it’s joke we’re joking oh!

Does anybody have Canada visa plug? Seriously?