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Whether you are forever alone or looking for cheap eats for you and bae, because you didn’t make plans when your mates were making plans; here are all the Valentine food deals we could find for today.
Pizza Hut
https://www.instagram.com/p/Btkz8c5n1wC/
All alone this Valentine’s day? Nothing like eating a large box of pizza and wings all on your own to make you feel better about it.
BarBar
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtxnpTXHgqV/
Sing along badly to Adele’s Hello and cry into 1,500 peppersoup and half off beers at BarBar’s Valentine’s Karaoke night.
Kripsy Kreme
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt0hWB9HBEr/
Get a dozen special valentine’s day treats for you and bae at just 5,200 from Krispy Kreme. If you are forever alone don’t worry you can get it too, they don’t discriminate.
KFC
https://www.instagram.com/p/Btx5H8hnEZG/
Who needs love when you can have this 5 in 1 meal box for just 2000 naira?
Coldstone
https://www.instagram.com/p/Btvg3rvjvM9/
There’s a two for one deal on Coldstone ice cream every Tuesday and Wednesday throughout the month of February. Aren’t you grateful now that people are making noise about this month of love?
Debonairs
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt0xAmjHJkA/
Debonairs has surprise treats waiting for people who go down to their outlet at Ikeja City Mall. If you are single, we know you have nothing better to do, so you might as well go.
Sweet Kiwi
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt2fSB5F2zm/
Even though they are shaming we single people, Sweet Kiwi has a two for one deal going on today. Go with your best friend, brother or sister and beat the system.
Bogobiri
https://www.instagram.com/p/Btu2DPfgPtk/
There are three-course meals for two and a free bottle of wine up for grabs at Bogobiri. So if you forgot to make plans, here’s your chance to take bae and make it seem like you’ve had a romantic evening planned for months.
Kobis
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtwmU8hH1da/
Kobis is giving out free movie tickets with meals, so you can go and cry quietly in a dark cinema hall after drowning your sorrows with food.
Micos
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt0mTUcnOG7/
Micos is giving out a free salad bowl when you order anything off their menu. You might not have a bae to remind you to eat healthy, but at least Micos cares.
Bukka Hut
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt0JAoAH-jj/
The Bukka Hut Val box comes with a mini red velvet cake for just 1,500. When you buy it, you can close your eyes and just imagine that it’s bae who sent the cake and you are not destined to die alone.
Nigerians will argue about anything. Whether the sky is really blue or if grass is green. Or whether Uncle Bubu is really our president or just a travel blogger occupying the role of the presidency.
But some of the greatest Nigerian arguments ever have been centred around food. Friendships have begun and ended over these food wars. And we don’t know if they’ll ever be settled.
Jollof Rice vs Fried Rice
What makes for the best Sunday lunch meal. Jollof rice or Fried rice? Is Fried rice the best because of all it’s supporting characters or is Jollof the best because it can stand alone?
Amala vs Pounded Yam
Imagine you had a bad day at work, and you had to come home to just one of these two. Would you rather have the white fluffy goodness that is Pounded Yam or a nice supple mound of Amala?
White Eba vs Yellow Eba
Which kind of garri is the best for making Eba? Fine golden yellow garri or Ijebu garri that slaps more than that wicked Math teacher from secondary school.
Yellow Garri vs Ijebu Garri
As far as some people are concerned there’s only one type of Garri you can soak, and that’s Ijebu Garri. Any other type of Garri is an abomination. For some other people it’s yellow Garri or nothing, which is it for you?
Maggi vs Knorr
Which seasoning cube is the real secret ingredient of every bomb ass pot of soup or Jollof ever made? Maggi or Knorr?
Gala vs Superbite
One is a classic that’s almost as old as the country itself. The other is still considered to be the new kid on the block who’s trying to run Gala out of business. But which of them is the best sausage roll ever made?
Spaghetti vs Spaghettini
Do nice thin strands make for the best kind of spaghetti or are the classic strands still the best?
Ijebu Egusi vs Egusi
One is made with vegetable, one without. Which one reigns supreme, Ijebu Egusi or regular Egusi?
Dano Milk vs Peak Milk
All Nigerians will agree that Dano and Peak are the most popular Milk producers in Nigeria. But which is better?
Kellog’s Cornflakes vs NASCO Cornflakes
One is from the overseas, the other is homegrown. The both of them are Nigerians’ favourites, but which of them is prefered?
Chicken vs Turkey
Some people think they taste exactly alike. But both chicken and turkey purists could type out a thousand-word essay on which is better.
Okpa vs Moin-Moin
Should they even be compared at all, or is one better than the other?
Custard vs Ogi
Which is better? Our own local champion, or what is basically Ogi that went to do masters abroad?
Firm Dodo vs Soggy Dodo
Should your plantain be almost rotten before you fry it for dodo, or should it be just the right amount of ripe, so that it’s nice and firm?
There’s an art to cooking South-South food. Anyone from those parts will tell you free of charge. It’s more than just throwing ingredients together into a big pot. There’s a certain skill need to turn Starch. You need to know the exact proportion of yam to plantain to make a perfect pot of Onunu. There’s also an art to eating South-South food. You just don’t consume it, you savour every bite.
So read this before you make your next trip down South.
You can’t leave this life without trying Ekpang Nkukwo from Akwa Ibom.
It’s like Ikokore but better. If you eat it without periwinkle your enjoyment can’t be complete.
You might think you’ve had proper plantain porridge before, but I’m here to tell you that you haven’t until you’ve had Kekefia.
Kekefia made with ripe plantain is the manna from heaven you read about in the bible.
Whoever the first person was, to discover that combining plantain and yam will birth the magic that is Onunu deserves a Nobel peace prize.
The way bread goes with butter is the same way Onunu goes with fish pepper soup. Please don’t go and eat it with Efo.
After its art, Black Soup might be the second greatest thing the people of Edo have given Nigeria.
Technically you can eat Black Soup with any swallow food, but the right thing to pair this with is pounded yam.
Delta people like to make noise about Banga so that we won’t discover their best kept secret – Ukodo. Well the gig is up.
The secret to Ukodo is finding the perfect plantain for it. The kind of plantain that’s just ripe enough to be sweet, but not too ripe. Ukodo is also not meant to be eaten alone, you have to eat it with friends.
There are a number of things every human being deserves to experience before they die. One of them is eating Native Soup. And not just any Native Soup, Ikwerre Native Soup.
Anyone who serves you Native Soup without fish is capable of murder, so you better hold their shirt.
How the unlikely combo of palm oil, potash and tomatoes results in Owo soup is beyond me. Owo soup is what you eat when you are in a bad mood and need a pick me up. Or when you’ve just come back from a long day at work.
Both Delta and Edo people lay claim to Owo soup, but so long as we are eating it with Starch or yam, we really can’t be bothered.
There’s a ton of great food in the South, so we are sure we didn’t cover everything. What’s your favourite South-South food?
It’s a jungle out there. Most especially in Nigerian airports. If they don’t delay your flight it, an airport official will take it upon themselves to provoke you. There are very few things you can do to survive a Nigerian airport. It’ll always get the best of you, but here are a few things you can do.
Just prepare yourself for the delays because they’ll happen.
If you know what’s good for you don’t book any life-changing meetings that day.
Never ever book the last flight of the day.
It’s an unwritten rule that they must cancel at least half of the last flights that go out in every Nigerian airport.
Hide snacks were airport officials won’t find them so that you won’t get scammed into buying airport food.
The five galas you tuck in your bra will come in handy when they delay your flight for 5 hours.
If it’s possible don’t check in any bags, travel with just a carry-on.
Because you’ll fly from Lagos to Abuja, get to Abuja and they’ll tell you that your luggage is in Enugu.
Have breakfast so you can have energy to fight with any airport official that wants to stress your life.
If you are not careful that’s how you’ll pay ten thousand naira because your luggage is 0.1kg over the weight limit.
Don’t forget to carry your tissues and practice crying on demand.
So that if they close gate 2 minutes before you get there you’ll cry and beg your way unto your flight.
Try your best to book the first flight out.
It’s not as if they still won’t delay the flight o, but the odds are sha slimmer with the first flight.
If you have an appointment or job interview better book your flight 2 to 3 working days before your appointment.
If you travel the morning of your interview your case will be one of had I known.
If you depend on the airport announcer to know when your flight is boarding then you must be a JJC.
Better sit close to where your gate and watch out for when they start boarding. Sometimes when the flight is overbooked they won’t even announce it at all.
If they cancel your flight better don’t book another one on the same day.
They will still cancel that one so just go home.
If it’s not an international flight don’t waste your time getting there an hour or two early.
You already know how it goes down, they’ll delay the flight.
It’s a new year (and it’ll continue to be till at least March). And with new years come resolutions you only intend to keep for a couple of weeks. One of those resolutions for me was to eat healthier. Turns out many Nigerians had the same plan. But what does it mean to eat healthy?
For these 5 Nigerians, this is what it is:
“It’s a lot of stress and can be expensive but for me it’s worth it.”
“For a while, I honestly never gave my diet a whole lot of thought. I used to eat what I want when I wanted it. But as I got older it became harder to keep the pounds off, so I started paying a little more attention to my diet.
For me, healthy eating is first of all smaller portions. Nigerians consume ridiculously large portions of food with each meal. It’s amazing to watch. It also means cutting out as many carbs as I could, which is really really really hard with Nigerian food. So I try to stay away from white bread and replaced regular rice with couscous.
It’s a lot of stress and can be expensive but for me it’s worth it.” – Anita
“Has never crossed my mind…but I try.”
“I can’t even lie until you asked me just now, it has never crossed my mind. I just eat what I see, there’s really no time or money to be giving it any extra thought. Once in a while, I’ll sha buy orange from mallam. Shey orange is a fruit and fruits are healthy. But I don’t really think of it as eating healthy, I just happen to really like oranges. I also like efo and that counts as eating my vegetables. I sha try.” – Segun
“Avoiding junk food like a plague.”
“For me, it’s avoiding junk food like a plague. Junk food and soft drinks plus anything that comes in a pack I try to avoid. I really like to cook so I tend to cook most of what I eat which really gives me control over what I eat. If I want snacks, I eat fruits I think I’m just generally a healthy eater. “– Deyo
“Owo and Starch is life.”
“I didn’t think about it until my mum got hypertension, which meant a drastic diet change for a woman who can eat Eba three times a day. I do most of her cooking and it was just easier to eat what she does. So that means way less salt, no palm oil which is really hard because we are from Delta and Owo and Starch is life. But I like that I’ve been forced to do it. Might be in my head but I definitely do feel healthier as a whole.” – Ivie
“Not being able to eat the things that I love.”
“Personally, healthy eating is not being able to eat the things that I love and that has been quite a struggle. On most days, I ignore the nagging grasshopper on my shoulder that tells me having half a box of pizza at midnight is really not a good idea. On other days I fight the urge to wolf down like ten chocolate bars as a midday snack and take a bowl of fruits instead.” – Omotoke
A lot of people might think it’d be Jollof rice, but Indomie noodles is the official food of all Nigerians. It’s in almost every home, supermarket, and corner shop on every street. Indomie is so widely popular in Nigeria it might as well have its own passport. Which is ironical because it’s not even originally made in Nigeria. But then again, what is?
Starting off with just the original flavour, over the years Indomie has experimented and played around with adding different twists to their very first flavour. Some we loved, some we hated, some died very quick painless deaths. Here’s every Indomie flavour ranked.
Indomie Jollof – Discontinued
I trolled the internet for hours looking for evidence that Indomie Jollof was ever made. And finally, I found it; a tweet from 2012 with pictorial evidence that Indomie thought they could exploit Nigerians love for jollof rice with a Jollof flavoured Indomie.
Even though the brand has tried its best to erase this flavour from the memories of Nigerians, my taste buds will never forget this culinary mess it was. This is a perfect time to call out people who put stew in their Indomie. Hope everything is well at home?
Its been about 6 years since I had it but I remember it clear as yesterday that it tasted exactly like sorrow, tears and blood. And I doubt anyone will protest when I say that this was the worst flavour ever created.
Indomie Instant Cup – Discontinued
This wasn’t exactly a flavour, and I remember it only came in the original chicken flavour. But my spirit could never be at ease if I didn’t mention what a disaster this was.
The goal of the instant cup was noble; an even quicker way to make Indomie for lazy asses like me who think the ten minutes it takes cooking it is just too much work. With the cup noodles, all you had to do was pour in hot water, put your seasoning, cover and wait three minutes. The result was always either a soggy mess or semi-raw noodles, never an in-between.
Indomie Chicken Pepper Soup
The idea behind the Chicken Pepper Soup flavour is that the noodle is consumed with a little ‘soup’ in it. Of course, Nigerians were having none of that and cooked it dry. I tried it both ways and came up with the same verdict – trash.
My problem with this flavour was my very Nigerian expectation of what pepper soup is supposed to be. Pepper soup even with noodles combined that didn’t make my eyes water and nose run gets an immediate dismissal in my books.
Indomie Oriental Fried Noodles
Just so you could deceive yourself into thinking you were somehow being healthy by eating Indomie which has low nutritional value every single day, Oriental Fried Noodles was introduced.
We were made to believe it contained dried vegetables which is apparently all it needs to be considered oriental. I don’t think anyone is quite sure what’s inside this Indomie, much like their new line – Relish (we’ll table this one’s matter another day). However what I’m sure of, is that it’s definitely not vegetables as I know it. There are some orange bits that could pass for carrots if you closed your eyes and imagined it was with all of your heart. But that’s about it.
Indomie Oriental Fried Noodles would actually not be the worst thing in the world without the plastic tasting bits trying to pass of as vegetables.
Indomie Pepper Chicken – Discontinued
Pepper Chicken was one of Indomie’s better experiments with Nigerian influenced noodles. I’m not a hundred percent sure Indomie Pepper Chicken was discontinued, but it is not one of the flavours listed on Indomie Nigeria’s website. I also haven’t seen it in any market aisles for a minute now. What’s most confusing about the fact that this flavour is no longer available is the fact that they still continue to make a flavour like Chicken Pepper Soup.
Indomie Chicken Flavour
For many people, seeing the original chicken flavour coming in second on this list is blasphemy. But I’m standing by it, come and beat me.
The original chicken indomie flavour will always be an OG. Some of our fondest memories tied to Indomie were made with this flavour. Like this ad.
Indomie Onion Chicken Flavour
Introduced several years too late after the original flavour was, Indomie Onion Chicken flavour reigns supreme on my list of Indomie noodles ranked.
It’s spicier than the original flavour but doesn’t overload your taste buds with strange spices like the Jollof. And by far the greatest Indomie flavour ever created.
I’ll take this moment to address people who throw away the seasoning oil they put in it. It’s people like you that use your own hand to deny yourself of enjoyment. The seasoning oil is what makes the Onion Chicken flavour the greatness that it is. So if you’ve been throwing it away and never really liked this flavour, that right there is the reason.
Not everyone likes to cook. I’d personally rather soak Garri for a week than enter my kitchen to boil rice. But if you are a Nigerian with a kitchen, it’s only right that you have these things
More plastic packs than you’ll ever need in a lifetime.
Throwing away a plastic pack after you use it, instead of washing and keeping it is criminalized in Nigeria. Somehow the day you need them all the covers will disappear but that won’t matter because you have at least a hundred.
Even more plastic bags than plastic packs.
Say what you want but Nigerians invented recycling. That’s why you still have plastic bags you got from Shoprite in 2014 in your kitchen. You are saving the environment in your own small way.
This brown and white plate because it’s practically a Nigerian citizen now.
You never have to use it. It can sit in one of your cupboards gathering dust year in year out, but you must have it.
If you don’t have any other spice in the world you must have Maggi or Knorr.
If you like have all the spices from the farms of India to Italy, none of them count until you buy Maggi or Knorr. You’ll tell me whether it’s tarragon they use to make fire Jollof.
Indomie. Not just any noodles, but Indomie specifically.
Another day we’ll argue about how if it’s not original or onion chicken then it doesn’t count as Indomie. But today is not that day.
Eba stick aka Omorgun aka Turning stick.
Whether or not you like to eat eba, it must be in your kitchen. You might have never even bought it in your life, but we can bet if you check your kitchen right now you’ll find it there.
The obligatory ice-cream bowl filled with stew.
You don’t even know where it came from. It’s not like you have money to be buying things like ice-cream, but there it is in your freezer.
Rice because ‘there is rice at home’ is not just a long running joke.
We know we joke about it a lot, but if there’s no rice at home there is a problem o.
A set of pots, even though the only one you ever use is the smallest one to make Indomie.
Everyday Indomie and you are still wondering why you had malaria 5 times last year.
Empty bottles of groundnut oil you’ve been storing for years now.
You have no idea what you want to use them for, or if you’ll ever do, but you’ll rather die than throw them away.
Coolers whose origins you can’t trace.
Whether you used it to pack takeaway from your friend’s house and never returned it, after promising on your mother’s life that you would. Or you stole it from your parents’ house, you’ll never know.
If there is anything on this list that’s not in your kitchen, go forth and fix up. We’ll be reviewing your citizenship status meanwhile.
Planning a trip with friends is fun. Just thinking about how lit the squad photos will be is even enough to get you going. But there are some things about travelling with friends no one ever talks about. As my good deed for the week, I will.
If it was ten people that were planning to go on the trip, only five will end up going.
You think Amaka is such a disappointment? Just wait until you plan a trip with your friends. The person that came up with the original idea might not even go.
You know how squad trips always look in the movies or on other peoples’ Instagram pages? Yeah your own isn’t going to look like that.
Don’t worry the people on group trips you are seeing on Instagram are only smiling through the struggle too.
It’s on that trip that you people’s friendship might end.
You’ll be friends with someone for twenty years, travel with them only to find out that they baff before they brush. That friendship deserves to end.
For your peace of mind don’t force yourself to do every activity your friends are doing.
You haven’t been to the gym in three years but you want to go on a 2-hour mountain hike? Better behave yourself.
The more is never the merrier.
Sure some things might be cheaper when you travel in a larger group. But are you sure you want the headache that comes with travelling with fifteen friends?
Better don’t let anyone intimidate you into spending your rent.
You know your friend’s middle name is Dangote and yours is not, but you want to follow them to eat at 5-star restaurants every day. Respect your pocket.
Speak your mind don’t tight anything to your chest.
If a friend has been vexing you on the trip, sort it out on the trip. Don’t wait until 3 months after to tell them.
Fight for some personal time for yourself.
You have no idea how sick and tired you can get of seeing your friends faces every single minute for a week straight.
Settle everything that has to do with money before you go.
Before you’ll get to your destination and one friend will suddenly realize it was only ticket money they had.
Never travel with your couple friends.
There’s nothing worse than being the single friend on a group baecation. That’s when you’ll realize singleness can actually kill.
If you’ve ever travelled with friends, what other tips do you have for us?
Maybe you’ve watched one too many episodes of ‘Come Dine With Me’. Or maybe hosting dinner parties is just your thing. If there’s anything you should know, it’s that hosting Nigerians at a dinner party is special. And in order for you to pull off a successful one, there are a couple of things you must know.
Never bring out all your food out at once. Are you a learner?
If you bring out all the food you want to serve at 8, the 5 out of 20 guests you invited will finish it before the rest come.
If you invite 10 people, prepare for twenty.
Because it’s impossible for Nigerians to go anywhere without a plus 1 or 5.
Nigerians don’t know what the word RSVP means.
If you like yourself better don’t cook based on who RSVPd.
It’s best you make sure takeaway packs are available.
It’s not as if people won’t still find a way to take food home o, it’s just part of being a good host.
Your party is allowed to have any theme it wants. It can even be ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s. But there must be small chops and there must be jollof rice
It’s written in the constitution.
Always buy more alcohol than you’ll need.
Especially if you don’t want to be looking for Jesus to help you turn your water into wine midway through your party. People will tell you ‘I don’t drink, I don’t drink’, before you know it they’ve finished two bottles of wine.
Hide food everywhere, if you don’t want to run out of food fast.
It’s not enough to leave it in the kitchen and tell people not to touch it, it’ll carry leg. Put a cooler in your car, another in your wardrobe, another one on the roof. Don’t be surprised if they still carry leg, remember nowhere is safe.
Depending on the number of people you are expecting, don’t be shy to use plastic plates.
Nobody will judge you, they are only there for the food. Not only will cleanup be easier nobody will break the plate set your grandma’s grandma passed down to you.
Keep anything you value and treasure in life under lock and key.
Yes, you only invited 5 of your closest friends, but they’ll come with friends who will come with their own friends. Anything you don’t want to develop wings, better hide. Don’t let your case be one of had I known.
If it’s really doing you to set a dress code you are free.
But just prepare your mind many of your guests will show up in jeans and top, some will show up in outfits so different from the theme you’ll think they did it just to spite you.
Your playlist must have Nigerian music.
Black tie event but people are ready to zanku in their bow ties and dinner gowns so please give them some ‘Able God’.
Keep anything gourmet off the menu, it’s really not for us Nigerians.
Same Nigerians that can put eba, egusi and jollof on one plate are who you want to serve gourmet? Fear God.
Now that you have all you need, don’t forget to invite me to your next dinner party.
And don’t worry I’ll come with my own plastic for takeaway.
Pizza is a favourite meal, loved by everyone. Yet, peope have a preferrance on how they want their pizza; the kind of crust they want, the kind of toppings they would love to have on their pizzas; this has been a bone of contention for many people who share a pizza with someone who loves olive when they absolutely hate it and would have preferred suya toppings on their slice of pizza.
Pizza toppings are such a big deal, we decided to create a list of our favourites:
1) Bacon:
Bacon is a worldwide, if we do say so. The meaty and chewy texture is what makes this pork meat a go-to option for many and we have no arguments here.
2) Cheese:
What is pizza without cheese for goodness sake? Cheese is what gives life to any pizza. Pile on your preferred crust with EXTRA cheese and you’re good to go–even if it’s the only topping.
3) Pineapple:
Oh la la, fruit and pizza, who is the genius that thought of this? We have some very important questions for that person; can they create pawpaw or avocado pizza?
4) Olive:
This is an undisputed champ of pizza toppings; while some people don’t like it we can’t help but relish the delight of having this on our pizza. It’s a must have.
5) Banana:
Another fruity topping in the house people. Just imagine how eating this with a side dish of some peppered chicken will be?
6) Suya:
Because what is this life if our taste buds doesn’t demand for a Naija topping? You don’t know what you’re missing if you’ve not had suya on your pizza; it totally trumps bacon and sausages.
7) Nutella:
Chocolate on pizza? Yum yum yum! Chocolate lovers would definitely love this, especially when it topped with strawberries; you know how well those two go together.
8) Pepperoni:
The quintessential pizza topping. Have you even eaten pizza if you’ve not had this on it?
9) Veggies (Tomato, Green Pepper, Onions):
Vegetarians would definitely crave this. It looks good (look at that color combo), it tastes good and it feels good to eat.
10) Ice Cream:
When you thought it couldn’t get better, you got an ice-cream and pizza combo; two of our favourite things to eat and you can’t tell us nothing.
11) Garlic Butter:
For folks who love their pizza sweet and spicy. This topping practically sinks into the pizza crust and is a nice combo with mozzarella cheese.
12) Mushroom:
This topping goes across different palates; some people like it for it meaty texture, some love it because of its veggie quality while others like it because it goes well with other pizza toppings.
What’s your favourite pizza topping, did it make the list? Leave a comment, let us know.
