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Schools are pretty much all about lectures, tests, exams, and assignments. Of course, students have a love-hate (mostly) relationships with all of them. Let’s talk about assignments, we will come to the others later. When students have to deal with a new assignment, their thoughts go something like this:
1. This lecturer own is too much sef. Another assignment?
2. Anyway, the deadline is in 2 weeks. There is still time.
3. My mind is telling me to start the research, but what’s the rush?
4. Hm, don’t let me play myself. Let me ask my classmates if they’ve started theirs.
5. Nobody has started. I worry too much.
6. This school likes to stress someone sha. Classes, tests, exams, assignments. On top wetin?
7. Bruh! It’s only a few days to the deadline, and I haven’t written a word.
8. WHERE DID TIME GO?
9. This class rep should ask for an extension oh.
10. Ah, no extension. This lecturer is definitely an enemy of progress
11. Let me check in on my classmates again
12. How are some people writing their conclusion already? Nigerians will always disappoint you
13. How am I going to write a 4000 word paper in two days?
14. Well, I die
15. Why didn’t start this assignment sooner?
16. Ah!!! I hate school!
17. Omo, na copy and paste go do this one oh.
18. Chile, I managed to turn this thing in. Now, I deserve to sleep for a week
19. For real, though, this will be the last time I leave any school work until the last minute
As if group projects are not stressful enough, lecturers can decide to take it further and tell the class that each group will present their project. Some students take it as one of those things. However, for some students, the prospect of doing any kind of public speaking makes them question if the degree is worth it. If you’re one of these students, you should know that we’re thinking about you and this post is proof of that.
When you’re still thinking of how to deal with your group members and the lecturer says something about a class presentation
Why do you have to hear our voices before you can grade us?
The panic that hits you when your group members vote you to present on behalf of the group
Are you people normal? All of us will just fail!
And you realise that you will spend most of your time practising in the shower and in front of a mirror on the days leading to the presentation
How do all these motivational speakers do it
The horror you feel when you can’t decide on what to wear on the day of the presentation
Dear village people, is that you?
When it’s your group’s turn to present and you feel everyone’s eyes on you
Hay God!
And for a minute, you can’t remember anything you’ve memorised
err… uhm… you see.
You’ve calmed down now and you think you’re crushing it when someone in the back of the class asks you to speak louder
Who is this enemy of progress. Are you crazy?!
When you finish your presentation and you think it’s over but the lecturer tells the class to ask you questions
Finish me oh!
And the worst part is that your classmates actually ask the questions
What a betrayal!
When it’s finally over and the person who didn’t contribute anything to the project tells you that you could have done better
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
When you think back to your hostel days in the university, what do you remember? Your roommates? The times you broke the rules and got away with it? The struggle of coexisting with hundreds of strangers?
Students get into the university and realise that for the duration of their studies, the hostels are their new homes. It might as well be because that’s where they spend the bulk of their time. Therefore, it’s only natural that these places are a hub of different stories. For this week’s Aluta and Chill, I got a couple of Obafemi Awolowo University students to talk about a memorable hostel experience.
Dunmomi – Got an unwanted roommate
I’ve never been a fan of campus fellowships. Even before I came into the university, I was told to attend a “real church” because fellowships take more time. I was in my room minding my business when some fellowship people came to the hostel to evangelise. One of my roommates is a muslim and when one of these fellowship sisters found out, she turned her attention to her. On the first day, she spent hours in our room preaching to her We didn’t mind because we thought it was a one-time thing.
It was not.
She came the following day and the same thing happened. Was that the last time she came? No! She made it her life mission to convert my friend. This dear sister literally made our room hers. At some point, she began to bring food when she was coming to visit. And if we cooked, she would ask if she could eat out of it. Her dedication was everything but we no longer found it cute. If this sister knew she was no longer welcome, she didn’t show it. And no, she didn’t stop coming until the session ended and we had to leave the hostel. Basically, my roomie and I got an extra roommate we didn’t ask for,
Joy – Uhm, bedbugs
I was in my first year and I loved reading alone. Besides, I found it stressful to walk from my hostel to the library or the department to study. There was a common room in the hostel that was rarely used. Word around the hostel was that it was infested with bedbugs, but I didn’t mind. At the time, I didn’t even know what bedbugs looked like. So, the common room was my go-to place for studying.
I was making last-minute preparations for an exam I had the following day when I saw an insect on the page of my textbook. I suspected that it might be a bedbug and I called my roommate’s attention to it. When I squished it and saw blood, I knew that I had brought these things into the room. I couldn’t sleep that night as they began their reign of terror. They had taken over every inch of the room before morning.
After I finished writing my exam, I brought Sniper, diluted it with kerosene and fumigated the room. It took care of the bedbugs, but the smell sent us out of the room; we had to leave the room for a few weeks. In those weeks, I had to share a 2 ½ inch bed with a friend.
Daniel – Someone broke into his room
When I was in my first year and second year, people broke into my rooms and stole my roommates’ phones. However, on both occasions, I was out studying.
My luck ran out last year.
I watched a movie on my phone until midnight when I stopped because I had to be in church early the next morning. My phone was on the verge of dying, so I plugged it in and kept it under my bed. I made sure that I properly locked the two doors leading into the room.
Around 4:30 AM, one of my roommates woke me up and asked for my phone. I thought they wanted to get movies from me, so I dismissed him and directed him to check for it under the bed. But he kept nudging me to stand up. When he told me that everyone in the room couldn’t find their phones, I sprang up and quickly checked where I kept my phone. It wasn’t there.
I was in the denial stage. I turned the whole area upside-down thinking I’d kept my phone someplace safer, but I didn’t find this thing. Neither could my roommates find theirs. We all thought it was a joke at first — that someone was playing a prank on us. As every hour passed, reality dawned on us. Someone had broken into our rooms and made away with our phones.
Unfortunately, I had an important test in two days and all of my study material was on the phone. Bruh! I was lucky enough to have a friend with two phones. He borrowed me one to use until I wrote the test.
Rotifa – Almost evicted from the hostel
There are four male hostels in my school, so the accommodation struggle is real. I bought bed-space from a guy in a hostel reserved for penultimate and final year students. For context, I was in my first year and shouldn’t have been in that hostel. To play it safe, I collected his hostel ID card and replaced his picture with mine, so I could have something to present to the hall officials whenever they asked.
I left the ID card in the hostel one morning and went to class. After my first class, I returned to the hostel to pick up something. That was the worst time for someone like me to be in the hostel. One of the hall wardens stopped me and requested for my ID card. I told him that it was in my room. It got real and he asked for my matriculation number. I had just gotten into the school and was still using my JAMB registration number. Not sure of what to say, I claimed that I didn’t remember it. Wrong answer because no one forgets their matric number.
The warden caught me in the lie, so he asked me to take him to my room. When we got there, he told me to remove my things from the room and leave the hostel. He was dead-serious about it and he made sure that I packed all my stuff out. It looked like I was going to be homeless.
When everyone saw how serious the situation was, they rallied behind me and begged the man. This went on for a few hours but the man wouldn’t have any of it. Luckily, out of the blues, something touched his heart and he relented. When he told me I could go, I dropped to my knees and thanked him profusely, throwing all the Yoruba words I knew into the mix. I had to return my stuff back into the room. Considering how worse the situation could have been, I had no complaints.
Ifeoluwa – Was caught with contraband
I’d just moved into the hostel for medical students. In my first month, two hall officials came to my room and saw a contraband – It was a hotplate. I actually thought it was allowed. In their mind, they had caught an erring student. One of them asked me to bring it, but I didn’t oblige. I apologized, trying to let them know that I had no idea that it shouldn’t have been in my room. One of them made to walk to my corner of the room and pick it herself. Instinctively, I jumped to my feet and rushed to pick it before she got there. From there, they made it seem like I was out to injure the woman.
They started to rant but I didn’t exchange words with them. When they were done, they promised to come back to deal with me. School sent us home because of the coronavirus pandemic, so they haven’t had the chance to deal with me.
Are you currently studying in Nigeria or elsewhere and have a story to share about your life in school? Please take a minute to fill this form and we will reach out to you ASAP.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
Every student must have heard of the saying: “Don’t let the school pass through you, pass through the school”. With that in mind, these are 11 things everyone who passed through Nnamdi Azikwe University will immediately get.
1. When you pour water downstairs and the hostel portress shouts “gbadata ana”
Just get ready to do anything to get out of the situation
2. How you live when you own a generator and everyone tries to be your friend
Think free food, free knacks, free gifts.
3. When you see your friend, hands filled with Roban goodies.
Bebe, ngwanu gist me.
4. How the flowers at Chike Okoli look at you when you pose to take a picture.
We be making your pic swoon-worthy.
5. After admiring your crush’s shirt and trousers, then you find crocs on his feet.
What a waste of my admiration.
6. Everyone, when they see anti-cult coming to the hostel
Everybody scatter.
7. When you alight from keke and driver doesn’t have #10 change.
Oga, don’t play with my intelligence.
8. When your quiz is in two minutes time and you can’t find an empty shuttle.
I need a miracle in my life.
9. When you haven’t paid your fees and you remember Esimone is not Ahaneku.
#BringBackOurAhaneku.
10. When that smitten church brother invites you for night class
Brother Solomon, are you sure your ways are pure?
11. When you hear that Esimone has finally installed CCTV Camera
There are over 100 universities in the country, but there are myriads of things students across these institutions will collectively relate to. Find some of them in this post:
1. Cooking in your hostel room, even though you know it’s against the rules
The porters will be all right oh
2. Calculating the number of classes you have to attend before you can write the exam
That 80% attendance rule is the ghetto
3. Making an impromptu decision not to go to an 8 am class because you can’t get yourself out of bed
The game is the game!
4. Going to a lecture and getting distracted after 5 minutes
Tbh, this is not totally your fault.
5. Making plans to get your grades up at the beginning of the semester and giving up after 3 weeks
Why should you bother when your lecturer has told you that only God can get an A in his course?
6. Starting an assignment you’ve been sitting on for weeks a day before the deadline
Fingers typing fast.
7. Giving up on studying and going to sleep instead
Sleep is for the living
8. Checking the exam timetable and finding out that a compulsory course has clashed with an elective
The worst!
9. Channelling your inner superhuman and learning cramming your entire course material on the night before the exam
All vibes.
10. Getting swarmed with work and wondering if the degree is actually worth the trouble
Writing exams at the university is stressful, but we don’t talk about the wait that follows it nearly enough. This is such a delicate time, especially when you think about all the crazy thoughts that usually plague the mind before the exam results are released. For many students, these thoughts go something like this:
1. Chile! This exam was something. Now, I can live my best life.
2. This feeling is the best! I have a lot of fun things to do before next semester brings its ugly head.
3. Why are these ones still talking about the exam?
4. Wait? That’s not how I interpreted question 1 and 2 oh.
5. Oh my God, those were the two compulsory questions.
6. It doesn’t matter. I’m very sure of what I wrote.
7. Am I sure, though?
8. What’s my CGPA again? Ha, it can’t take a hit.
9. Am I really sure of what I wrote?
10. I’m definitely getting an F in this course.
11. Ah, is this how my CGPA will sink into the ground?
12. Nothing to worry about jare. It’s time to unwind.
13. But isn’t this like I’m running away from my troubles?
14. My daddy will kill me if I fail a course.
15. I’ll probably have to drop out too.
16. AH, MY LIFE IS OVER!
17. I don’t have a plan B if I don’t return to school.
18. And what will happen to me if my parents think I’m an embarrassment and chase me out of their house?
19. I should have studied harder. This is my friend’s fault.
20. This wouldn’t be happening if I didn’t skip a few classes too.
21. Now, I’m on holiday and can’t enjoy myself.
22. Maybe I should think about the other courses I wrote too.
23. Oh my God, the school will definitely advise me to withdraw
24. MY LIFE IS OVER!
25. But you know what? Maybe it isn’t. University degrees are overrated these days.
Say whatever you want about Nigerian universities but they are a dependable hub of making lifelong friendships. If you look at your current circle of friends, there is a huge possibility that you made a handful of them when you were in school. We have different university experiences, but we want to bet that you met some of them in one of the following places:
Clearance and Registration venues
These things are the ghetto and unfortunately, they are the first things that welcome every fresh student into the university system. It’s quite a stressful affair, but some students make their first friends there. There is so much potential and power in tapping someone on the shoulder and saying “Are you the last person on the queue?” or “Please, I’m behind you.”
Sitting next to each other in class
Some lecture rooms are madly overcrowded, but there is a category of students who manage to sit in a particular place in every class. What usually starts out with a curt nod and a simple “hello” tend to become something deeper. You know this person has become your friend the day they keep a seat for you or agree to write your name in the attendance sheet if you won’t make it to class.
The Library
The Efiwes know this to be true. Your heart just goes out to whomever you see all the time in the area of the library where you like to study. And when one of you eventually breaks the ice and say hello, the seed is sown.
Being in the same group for projects
The jury is still out on how problematic group projects can be. However, some students still find ways to make it work and strike a friendship with one or more members of the group.
Protest Grounds
This is odd and maybe a little funny, but if ask any Nigerian student who passed through the public university system, chances are that they will tell you about a protest that broke out when they were in school — usually caused by light and water, or the lack of it. Now, these protests are characterised by long marches under the scorching heat — the perfect conditions to make new friends.
Hostels
This is a no-brainer. There are hundreds of students in each hostel. There is certainly friends to be made there, from your roommate to the student you bump into every morning on your way to the bathroom.
Do you remember where and how you made your first friend in uni?
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
Talk to any UNIBEN student about what it’s like studying at the university and chances are that you will hear stories about Ekosodin, Osasogie, and strongmen. The subjects for this week’s Aluta and Chill definitely have something to say about them, and they are not stories that warm the heart.
Ifeoluwa — Was friends with a strongman
I had just gotten into school as a direct entry student and I became friends with this guy in Year 5. It didn’t take long before I suspected that he was a “strongman” — which is colloquial for cultists in UNIBEN. First, a classmate had warned me about him. Also, he never told me his real name. Eventually, I was convinced that he was a strongman and I knew I had to get out of whatever I had with him, and that was the tricky part because he didn’t say what he wanted with me. He was constantly seeking me out — in my hostel, in classes. This guy had a way of showing up wherever I was. I couldn’t tell him off because there was no way of knowing how he would react to it and I was scared of what he might do if I riled him up.
On this day, he came to see me after class. I don’t know what happened, but he seemed to be having a bad day. We were talking as usual when he asked me what was wrong with me. I told him that I was fine. Then he blurted something rude and asked me to leave. I was shocked but I did what he wanted. That was the last time he spoke to me. My mind still goes back to this, thinking about all the different ways it could have turned out. It was a miracle to me, but I still shiver when I think about how I lived in fear until he decided to leave me alone.
Tammy — Followed by two guys at night
I like to take evening walks with my friend. This was what we set out to do one evening when we noticed two strange guys at the hostel gate. We ignored them and went our way. But they followed and started cat-calling us. When we decided to stop to hear what they wanted, We realised immediately that we had made a mistake. It had rained earlier and there was power, so the streets were empty. They caught up with us and rudely asked for our names. We calmly told them and continued on our way, hoping that would be all.
We got to a spot where students usually hang out and decided to stop there. We sat down and these guys came over again. We asked them to excuse us but we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. After minutes of small, uncomfortable talk, they asked for our phone numbers and we refused them. That was all they needed to hear to get heated. It looked as though they were going to get violent, lay hands or worse, so yeah, my friend and I were wondering why we had to go out in the evening.
After what seemed like hours, some groups of boys passed by. We saw the opportunity and raised our voices, hoping to call the attention of the group. It worked. The boys stood close by, watching what was going on. We had company now — the guys recognised that too and went back to wherever they came from.
Faith — Had a major fright at Ekosodin
I live in Ekosodin and went to visit a friend at Osasogie — these two neighbourhoods are known for their notoriety. I lost track of time and spent more time with her than I should have. The safest option was to sleepover at her place, but I couldn’t. About 10:30 PM, I ordered an Uber and he dropped me at Ekosodin gate. I had to continue the rest of the journey on foot. I switched off my phone and dumped it inside my underwear. A lot of dreary thoughts were on my mind but I knew I had to get home.
It seemed like I was going to get home without any funny business until I reached a juncture and ran into three guys. As I got closer, I saw that they were armed with guns. I maintained my composure, ignored them and continued on my way. I looked back and saw that they were following me. I was going to risk everything and trust my legs when one of them asked me to stop. They asked me a few questions and I explained everything to them. It turned out that they were one of the vigilante groups guarding the area. In the end, they let me go. But the night wasn’t over.
I ran into another group of guys in a shed about 10 minutes away from my house. These ones were the real strongmen. I instinctively turned back, hoping to run back to the vigilante group I met earlier. Two of them ran after me and I burst into tears when caught up with me. They asked for my phone and any other valuable I had on me.
The rest of the group joined us and I didn’t believe what happened next. I knew one of the guys. I had no idea that he was a strongman, but there he was. And he would be my saviour that night. He told that they couldn’t collect my stuff and dismissed them. After that, he walked me home. It was quite a rough night. I learned my lesson though — there was a reason the streets become empty by 8 PM and that was the last time I tried to push my luck.
Ebube — Was harassed by suspected strongmen
One of the first things I learned at Uniben was that Ekosodin is the “Den of Lions” and a phrase you shouldn’t hear from anyone is “dey with me.” because they are probably strongmen and there is hardly any way to get out of that situation without losing your stuff. The other option is to run the race of your life and hope you don’t get caught. I knew that like the back of my hand, but it wasn’t enough.
So, I was going to church in the morning. It was around 6 AM, and I thought I was safe enough to go out. Then these guys I’d never met huddled close to me and said the dreaded words “Hey guy, dey with me.” I had to think fast and decide on an option in the 2-second window I had before they grabbed me. I chose the second one and ran for my life. I fell down a couple of times, but I wasn’t too sure if they were following me, so I picked myself up and picked up my pace. I looked like a mess when I was certain that I was safe. I found my way into the school hostel and stayed with a friend until the day got brighter. Church had to wait till another day.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
You know that thing people say about how experience is the best teacher is true when you get into the university. You find out that only time can answer all the questions you have and the best part is that you make new discoveries as you go. This is a list of some of the things we’re confident you learned in your first semester at uni:
1. The best places to get free food are students events
2. Noodles, bread, and beans are your new best friends
3. Speaking of beans, it takes a special kind of skill to cook something that will draw everyone on your hostel floor to your room
4. Privacy becomes a strange concept the moment you move into your hostel room
5. You will lose some of your stuff inside your room and you will never find out what happened to them
6. You find out that eating from a plate every time is overrated
7. Nobody cares if you’re the smartest kid in your secondary school
8. The last thing your lecturers care about is your feelings
9. Sleeping every chance you get is a coping mechanism
10. Group assignments can make your life easier or turn it into a nightmare
11. The greatest harm a lecturer can do you is not showing up for an 8 AM class
12. Beating an assignment deadline without plagiarising is your newest superpower
13. Learning the best uses of Control C and Control v is the ultimate flex
There are two major types of social science students; the ones studying political science and the ones not studying political science. It’s really that simple. If you belong to the first class then this list will be a fond blast to your past university days. Here are 7 things only Nigerian political science students.
1. All the different definitions of political science they have to cram.
12 definitions from foreign political scientists, 7 from past Nigerian political and 5 from lecturers in the department. And 3 more from good old Wikipedia. All of which you will be required to produce verbatim in the exam hall.
2. Exam questions that start with compare and contrast.
Political science exam questions always hit differently. You’ll see opening statements like “examine, enunciate” and other orishirishi English that basically means you are not leaving that exam hall anytime soon.
3. Spending 4 years to learn about different types, systems, and flavors of government but seeing none of them being practiced in Nigeria.
Which makes the entire B.Sc seem fictional.
4. People saying “so you want to be a politician and eat our money”.
Because campaign money and the right God fathers will just fall on me abi? Allow me graduate with my set first abeg.
5. Lecturers who identify as Marxians.
You’ll now be hearing sentences starting like “As a Marxian…”, “You know you Marxians always…”, and so on and so on. Bless Karl Marx where ever he may be though.
6. Lecturers collaborating to write books and make the compulsory.
We be knowing.
7. Constant interdepartmental politics and lobbying playing.
Because politics starts at home.
That’s 7 things Nigerian political science students can relate with. Before you start a protest, we already have a list for Engineering students, and one for Arts students, another one for Psychology students, and even one for Social science students. You’re welcome.
